


(440):  The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

by angelsaves



Series: Cat-Bros [2]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Exhibitionism, M/M, Voyeurism, Were-Creatures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-31
Updated: 2011-10-31
Packaged: 2017-10-25 02:57:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/270972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsaves/pseuds/angelsaves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Brad gets stuck in a tree, is rescued by the fire department, and then gets laid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(440):  The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

**Author's Note:**

> imp read it over; blame any remaining mistakes on me & the artificial adderall shortage. title found on texts from last night.

It seemed like a really great idea at the time. Brad knows that's not actually a good excuse for anything, but it's the only one he has. Sometimes you just really, really need to eat a bird, and the one in the tree in front of their apartment building was annoying him, and the tree was easy to climb — and now he's definitely stuck.

Also, he's pretty sure the stupid bird is laughing at him.

Now that he's stuck here, Brad is very aware of what a dumb idea it was. There's no way in hell he's going to climb down — he'd pull his claws out, or fall down headfirst, or something — and it's too far to jump.

He's pretty sure it'd still be too far to jump in his human form. That's a moot point anyway (or is it a moo point? Brad can never remember which is right and which is the joke), because it's broad daylight. A cat meowing in a tree isn't bothering the neighbors, but a naked hockey player might cause a stir. Especially a naked hockey player who left his keys in his pants pocket, in his bedroom.

No, all he can do is sit here and meow. Segs will be home soon. How long could it take him to come back from a trip to stock up on snacks?

Brad's cat stomach growls. If only he'd caught the stupid bird, or squirrels stashed kibble in their holes... but no, those fluffy-tailed assholes only store gross shit like acorns. Fucking squirrels.

It feels like hours go by before Segs pulls up, but the sun's barely moved, so it probably wasn't that long. Once he's out of the car and holding the bags of groceries, Brad leans down from his safe branch and lets out the loudest, saddest meow he can.

Segs jumps, but he manages not to drop the Red Bull, at least. "Is that you, cat-bro?"

Brad meows again, even more sadly.

"What are you doing up there?" Segs puts the bags down on top of the car and comes over to stand under the tree. "You're not stuck, are you?"

This time, Brad just covers his face with his paws. When he looks down again, Tyler has his hands on his hips. "Do you think you could jump if I catch you?" Segs asks. "Or, like... if I went in and got a laundry basket?"

Brad's ears go back and his tail fluffs up before he can even think about how to say "Hell, no!" as a cat.

Segs laughs. "I'll take that as a no!" Then he frowns. "But we don't have a tall enough ladder for me to get up there. Our ladder isn't even tall enough for Z to reach you. I think I'm going to have to call the fire department."

—-

When the fire truck pulls up, Segs is leaning against the trunk of the tree with his head tilted back to talk to Brad, who is contentedly chewing on the kitty treats Segs managed to get to land where the branch forks from the trunk. Some of them landed in a squirrel hole instead. Brad hopes they're really weirded out when they find them this winter.

The fire fighter who jumps out of the truck and pulls out a ladder is a pretty dark-haired lady. Brad almost falls off his branch in surprise — he was expecting a guy like in the calendars his mom pretends not to look at — but he digs his claws into the bark just in time.

Segs gets to his feet and holds out his hand for her to shake. "Hi, I'm —"

"Tyler Seguin? Oh my god!" the fire fighter says.

"Hockey fan, huh?"

"Since I was a kid! Congratulations on the Stanley Cup. Are you going to get pictures of the cat with it?" She points up at Brad, who grooms his ears, glad she hasn't forgotten about him.

"Definitely," Segs says. Brad can hear the laugh in his voice. "I mean, if he'll put up with it."

"Do you know how he got up there?"

"No idea. I came home and there he was, meowing like this: MEEE-YAOWWW!"

Brad flattens his ears back. His voice is _much_ nicer than that.

The pretty fire fighter laughs. "Well, he's definitely ready to come down if he's making noises like that. Will he let me carry him like this, or should I put my turn-out jacket on first?"

"Oh, he'll be good." Segsy looks up at Brad and raises his voice. "Right, cat-bro? Don't scratch the nice lady."

"Cat-bro?" she asks, starting to climb the ladder.

"Because he's a cat, and he's my bro," Segs explains.

"That's cute!"

Brad peers at her as she gets closer. She has freckles on her nose and cheeks, and her arms are _ripped._ "Hi, kitty," she says when she reaches his level. "I'm Jenny. Want a ride back down to the ground?"

Jenny holds out her hand politely for Brad to sniff. It smells friendly and a little like machine oil. Not bad. He bonks his head into her fingers; she gets the hint and scratches his forehead.

"Aww, good, you're friendly!" Jenny says. "C'mere. Don't worry, I'll get you down." She scoops Brad up and cradles him in one arm, then starts back down the ladder. Brad buries his face safely between her breasts so he doesn't have to watch, which makes her giggle. "Don't worry, pretty kitty, you're okay."

Back on the ground, Jenny hands him to Tyler, saying, "Here's your bro, safe and sound!"

"Thank you so much," Segsy says, letting Brad rub their faces together. "Listen, who's your favorite Bruin?"

"Oh, I love all of you guys, but I have to admit I have a soft spot for rookies like you and Marchand," Jenny says.

Brad feels Segsy's muscles tense. "Well, hey, if you give me your number or something —"

 _What?_ Brad launches himself off Segsy's shoulder, ignoring his yelp, and runs under the car. Asking out a hot fire fighter when your... when your teammate and roommate you've started making out with and doing other stuff with is literally touching you? That is a non-beauty move.

Brad hasn't been sulking for very long when he hears Segs call, "Thanks again!" and the fire truck pull away.

"What are you doing under there?" He's blocking out the light. Brad hisses. "Oh, come on. Will you at least come inside?"

Well, he might as well. Brad sniffs and marches out from behind the tire, tail held high.

Inside, he ducks into his room to change back to human and put on some shorts. As he's doing up the fly, Segs comes in.

"What were you doing up there?" he asks, leaning against the doorframe.

"Trying to eat a sparrow," Brad says. He crosses his arms over his chest. "What were _you_ doing?"

"Being friendly?" Segs says blankly.

"Next time, could you wait for when I'm not, like, actually rubbing on you, maybe?"

"Whoa, whoa," Segsy says. "You didn't think I was asking her out, did you?"

"Look, I know if I were smart I wouldn't have been in a tree, but even I know what asking for someone's number means," Brad says.

"That's because you didn't listen to the rest of my sentence, dumbass." Segs takes a step closer.

Brad backs up instinctively. "Was the ending 'because I forgot mine'?" he snaps.

"It was 'so I can get a hat or something to sign for you,' actually." Segs steps forward again. "That way, I wouldn't have to figure out how to explain where her _other_ favorite player was."

"Oh." Brad feels kind of dumb again. Also, Segs has him backed up so far his knees are almost touching his bed. "That was nice of you."

"And why would I be asking anybody out? We're — I mean, I thought we were — "

He's floundering, so Brad decides it's only fair to help him. "We are," he says. "I mean, I want to be. Something."

"Besides bros?" Segsy's face is really close to his.

"Besides bros," Brad says.

"Me too," Segsy says, and kisses him so hard they topple onto the bed. Brad could easily flip them over if he felt like it, but right now he's happy to let Segs pin him down and kiss him like it's going out of style.

After a while, though, Brad's squirming up against him, trying to get some friction going, and Segs keeps pulling away and laughing like a dork. "What the hell, bro, are you trying to kill me?"

"Yeah, dead of blue balls, that's exactly what I want," Segs deadpans, rolling off Brad to sit against the wall. "No, I have a better idea."

"Better than killing me? Oh, thanks." Brad stealthily adjusts his shorts.

"Yeah," Segsy says. He has an evil look on his face. Brad can't decide if he thinks this is going to be terrible or amazing. "You owe me. You watched me jerk off, so now I want to watch _you._ "

"Jesus fucking Christ," Brad says fervently. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah." Segs is totally blushing, which for some reason makes Brad's dick even harder.

Well then. If Segs wants a show, he'll get a show. Brad scoots over to the edge of the bed so he can drop his shorts and fish the lube out of the old gear bag where he keeps his condoms and shit.

When Segsy sees what Brad has in his hand, he makes a sort of strangled noise. It shouldn't be hot, but it totally is.

"Are you gonna tell me what you want to see?" Brad asks, slicking up his hand and getting comfortable.

Segsy swallows hard. "Maybe."

Brad grins. This is going to be fun. He starts off slow, jerking himself like he's watching the boring part of porn, then a little faster, just to hear the breath Segs lets out.

The sound he makes when Brad takes a moment to play with his balls is almost a hiss. "You like that?" Brad asks.

"Pretend I'm not here," Segs whispers.

Okay, Brad can roll with that. He squeezes his eyes shut. "Unf, I bet Segs would like to see this," he says in his best porn voice, trying not to laugh. He lets his legs spread wider and trails his fingers down, almost brushing his hole, but not quite.

Segs rewards him with a groan. Brad bites his lower lip to keep from smiling and jerks his dick a little harder, then fumbles for the lube bottle again. Fortunately, Segsy is more interested in watching than in pretending not to be there, so he helpfully puts the bottle in Brad's hand.

Brad pours more on his fingers, then slides one inside himself, arching his hips off the bed. "Oh, yeah," he groans, mostly for Segsy's benefit, but also because, wow, jerking off like he's on camera is really working for him. When he's ready for two fingers, he makes another porny noise and tells the ceiling, "If only Segs were here to do this to me," as he squeezes around them.

"Jeez, you really are like porn," Segsy says.

"Good porn?" Brad asks hopefully, looking up at him.

"Keep going." He does. "Not, like, the kind with a budget. The kind that's just a guy and his webcam. Only they usually just say they wish _somebody_ was there to help them out."

"I'm personalized for your pleasure, baby," Brad says, twisting his fingers inside himself and making his voice hitch. "So wait, you wouldn't pay for my porn? I'm hurt."

"Oh, I didn't say that," Segsy says. "I'd buy your amateur porn. Just, nobody got paid to write you a script."

"Buy a lot of amateur porn?" Brad asks. He's starting to breathe hard. God, does this feel good.

"I like it better than the fancy stuff," Segs says hoarsely. "It's easier to pretend it's for real that way."

Brad looks up at him. He looks almost hungry, the way he's staring at him, crouched on the bed with lube dripping from his fingers. "I'm for real," Brad says impulsively. "C'mon, Segs, touch me already."

Segsy's whole face lights up, and then he's tilting Brad's face up for a kiss with one hand and stroking Brad's dick with the other. The kiss is long and filthy. It feels so good that Brad isn't even embarrassed about the little whine he lets out when Segs pulls away.

"Can I fuck you?" Segs asks.

"What do you want me to do, send you a Facebook invitation?" Brad moves his hips in what he hopes is a sexy way.

"Nah, I deleted my Facebook. Do you have a leg cramp or something?"

"That was supposed to be body language for 'get inside me now, you stud!'" Brad says. "There are condoms in the gear bag."

"Sweet." Segs fishes one out and opens it painfully slowly. Brad guesses that's better than tearing it, though. Then he rolls it on, still slowly, leaning his head back with a groan.

"Now who looks like porn?" Brad licks his lips and drinks in the sight. Segs naked and getting ready to fuck him is, like, lightyears beyond catching glimpses of him changing.

Segs laughs and gets up on his knees on the bed. "Yeah, right. Did somebody order a pizza with extra sausage?" He wiggles both his eyebrows and his dick at Brad. "Because I've got one right here."

Brad snickers, rubbing himself lazily. "No, no, you're too twinky to be the pizza guy. You'd be the one going, 'Ooh! You want me to fuck you? I've never done that before! Gee, do you think my dick is big? I had no idea!"

"And I thought you were into me for my brain," Segsy says, shaking his head. "Gimme the lube back."

Brad hands it to him. "I guess you're not _too_ stupid. That's just the kind of porn you'd be in, not what I actually think." Then he gasps as one of Segsy's long, cold fingers traces from the head of his dick, down the shaft, over his balls — and stops.

"Gee, what am I supposed to do now?" Segs asks in a high voice, then cracks up laughing.

"I said twink, not underage!" Brad yelps. Now Segs is just teasing him, running his fingertips around the insides of his thighs, everywhere but where he wants them, almost tickling. "It's the — manscaping — and — you're pretty — jeez, Segsy, stick it _in_ me!"

"You think I'm pretty?" Segs leans down and licks one of Brad's nipples.

"Shut up, of course I do." Brad arches his back, but Segs pulls away at the same time. "Yes, you're pretty, you're _so_ pretty, I could stare at you forever, please fuck me before I die!"

"Hey, you said the magic word!" And then, finally, he does.

Brad considers being annoyed that it took him so long, but it feels so good, and Segs is close enough to kiss again. He grabs the back of Segsy's head and kisses him really sloppily, wrapping his legs around his hips. Oh yeah.

He comes just like that, with his dick between them, and then it's almost no time before Segs is coming too, making some awesomely weird noises. Once he pulls out, Brad says, "Don't leave the condom in the bed," curls up around him, and falls asleep.

—-

"Hey, I got a hat," Segsy says the next day.

"...Congratulations?" Brad tries.

Segsy snorts. "Yeah, it was really hard. I mean to sign, for Jenny. The firefighter."

"Oh, cool." There's probably a Sharpie in the kitchen somewhere, Brad thinks, but when he turns around, Segs has beaten him to it. "Wait, what's that?"

"Ink pad. See, I had this idea..."

"Uh-oh." Brad looks at it warily. "You don't mean..."

"Maybe you could put a pawprint with our signatures? I mean, she liked you. She said you were pretty," Segs wheedles. He holds out the hat and the marker.

Brad takes it and scribbles his name by Segsy's, on the other side of the brim. "You're an asshole."

"Aw, come on, it'd be cute!"

"But then I'll have ink on my paw pads," Brad protests.

"It's washable! And can't you just turn back to human and wash your hands that way?" Segs tries to look sad, but he can't keep from laughing.

"Oh, fine. But you owe me!" Brad shifts to cat and jumps up onto the table. Segs opens the ink pad for him. Pushing his ears back to make sure Segs can tell how annoyed he is, he presses one paw firmly onto the ink, then the hat brim.

"Very nice," Segs tells him, scratching the top of his head.

Brad jumps down and changes back. "Damn right it's nice," he says, pulling his shorts back on. "I have beautiful paws."

"Beautiful, inky paws." Segs laughs, then ducks as Brad sprays water at him from the sink. "Hey! Watch it! Present for a fan, here!"

"Why don't you go put that somewhere safe?" Brad suggests innocently.

"Oh, no, I'm not falling for that," Segs says. "Maybe I'll wear it. Game-worn jerseys go for a lot of money, right?" He puts the hat on sideways.

"Yeah, _game_ -worn _jerseys,_ " Brad repeats. "Not dicking-around-the-house-worn hats. Also, if it's for Jenny, you can't wear it forever."

"I could wear it until you forget you're mad," Segs suggests, starting to back away.

"Cats never forget."

"I think that's elephants."

"And cats." Brad snatches the hat off his head and flings it out of the way, then sprays Segs right in the face.

He splutters. "Augh! I'm unarmed!"

"That's your problem, not mine," Brad tells him, laughing.

"Oh yeah? I'll show you a problem!" Segs grabs a bottle of water from the case by the fridge, pops off the top, and squirts Brad.

"I hope you realize this means war!" Brad shouts, aiming the sprayer again.

"I'm taking no prisoners!" Segs squirts him again.

"Oh yeah?" Brad checks him into the counter and pins him against it. "Maybe I'll take _you_ prisoner, then!"

"You don't have your sprayer anymore," Segs points out, but since he's twisting to kiss his neck, Brad's pretty sure he doesn't really mind.

"Don't need it." He thrusts his hips a couple of times. "That's not a water gun, I'm just happy to see you."

Segs laughs. "You're out of your mind," he says, then kisses him again.

"You like it," Brad says.

"Yeah," Segsy says, grinning. "I do like it."

Brad's pretty sure this is going to be the best summer ever.


End file.
